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"Don't do anything I wouldn't do Mom!" I kidded her. And, when she got back the next day she had that glow about her. Like she finally got fucked and I was glad for her. Just a couple of weeks later, mom took me to meet Don and his son Matt at a restaurant nearby and they told us they were planning to marry. I saw a big smile come over Matt's face and I realized he was happy for his dad too! Maybe this could work out!Well the four of us moved in together and, of course, over the next several weeks I got to know my new step brother. He seemed to be familiar with all these cool bands I'd never heard of. He even took me to a couple of shows with his favorite band: Arcade Fire. I became a fan of them too! I was a virgin then, I think because my mom had made such a big deal out of not Getting in Trouble like she did even though she had a good marriage to my dad. It was hard not to think of Matt as my first sexual suitor. I could tell he liked me. He would be checking me out in the kitchen. He adjusted his specs. He cleared his throat and read, "'Sandra Hochfeld, 123 Willow Way: Heavenly come.' Why on earth can't those elves get more info?" But then an impish grin spread across Santa's face. "Say, I've got an idea! I could pack both—silver and gold—then I could check out Sandra's hair color. Right there on the spot ... so to speak." Ho, ho, ho, I'll on-the-spot you," Mrs. Claus said, swatting her husband smartly on his sturdy backside. "We'll both go. That way no mistakes. No hanky-panky. Worse comes to worst, we give Sandra both Unicorns. A matched set. Six speeds divided by two, so to speak. Think of the combinations! Now that would really be a heavenly come!"And so it was that Santa and Mrs. Claus set off on their Christmas Eve rounds. And so it was that they arrived at the rooftop of 123 Willow Way."Right," said Santa Claus. "Sandra Hochfeld. The Unicorn Hummer." Santa slipped off his gloves, extracted two Hummers from his sack, one of silver, one of gold, and shot.
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